what next

so, there you are. you’ve spent some time with a person, and, at a certain point in time, you both become aware that you love one another. happens.

“I love you very much”
“yep. same”

now what? what do you do next? should you do anything?

“well, it FEELS like we should do something” *

even though that “feels like it” idea has had fleck thrown all over it for the last couple of billion years, I think we should find it again. I think it’s intuition, which is NOT an adopted societally conditioned response, although I give you, that the answer,

“let’s get married..”

…probably is.

“just keep on loving each other, I guess…”

wrong. you can’t make that promise. neither of you owns the love that’s between you, nor did either of you make it. you could call it a gift if you were Shel Silverstein, or Leonard Nimoy. it’s like

“I promise you, that I will keep this kite in the sky forever.”

– because the wind is not yours to control***

it’s like a cold that one of you gives to the other; you both have the same cold, spawned from the same virus, and one gave and the other accepted, gratefully. **** but, someday you will either die from the virus, you both will get over it, or one will get over it first, and, like in the animal kingdom, hide it (in this case, the lack of sickness, which is like a sickness, in love) from the other. so, all that generates three new answers:

a) “I promise to love you, till death do us part.” – which is clearly bogus, because it’s so mortal, so limited. like,

“…and then, baby, when I’m dead, I’s gonna find me a NEW one!”

b) “Let’s promise to not be bitter if love leaves us both”

I do like this one, but I’ve tried it several times, and it doesn’t seem to work. I don’t think it ever happens simultaneously, and also, it seems like one of you always feels bitter.

c) “I promise to tell you, if I stop loving you” (well, you could phrase it like, “…when love leaves me behind”)

This is one I’d settle on. Actually, it’s the one I said in the dream, just a minute ago, to the woman who doesn’t exist. It’s what inspired me to write this thing. But then, I woke up. Of course, you break all the promises. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t make them. At least one. And try to keep it. a covenant helps. Like Nicorette. So, my clear waking mind tells me:

1) Love is a feeling; it’s real.
2) You know its real, because you didn’t create it (if you did, it’s called a self-serving lie)
3)…because you don’t control it; can’t; don’t want to.
4) there is a next; maybe not a God, but definitely, a next —————————

da footnotes—————————————–

*[and by the way, we’ve already done the “fucking” part, for those of you Weisenheimers just quivering to give YOUR answer.]

**[…to the question. remember? it’s all about the question “What next?”…. my butterfly-driven thought patterns, I fear, allow you to forget the point..me too]

***[ not because you couldn’t control it, given enough time – at least, guide it – I don’t believe you want to control it (and maybe – let’s do go there – it doesn’t want to be controlled)]

****[Mrs. Schmidt told me that colds were gifts from the Holy Spirit – they make you stronger, build up your immunity, clean you out – or, kill you]


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