some aspects of everyone’s personality are just not that unique

has anyone ever told you “you can’t know my life?”  well, that could be true, and it could be false. it’s ambiguous, actually, because of the word “know” in English.

some people are quite complex, and quite mysterious.  these are the ones that are pretty sure they are unknowable.  and , in fact, I agree – those mysterious people can have their mysteries.  it would take a combination of delving into their histories, plus havign had your own experience, similar to theirs.

which brings me to the point: no one can ever feel what you feel.  ok, there are probably a few gifted empathetic people out there.  but in general, empathy, at its best is, like method acting: you imagine a similar situation from your past, really dig down, and then, when you are deep in it, open your eyes and look at the other person.

another confusing word is “understand.”  I say, “I understand”, and you yell “you can’t possibly understand.”  here’s where it gets sensitive: it turns out that much of what goes down in the human story is exactly the same for every human. every been divorced?  ever had cancer? nowadays, there are a lot of “yes”‘s to these and other questions.

the good news is: you’re not alone!  your biggest problem, actually, is that you think you’re alone. you think no one understands you.  but, your not, and they do.  the older you get, the more it strikes you how all these situations are not just similar – they are exactly the same.  once again, I am NOT saying that you can feel the other person’s pain – there is the conundrum: understanding is not feeling. and so, while we are all together, we are also all alone.

so why struggle to be unknowable?  really. you are still fathomless in terms of the wonder of your being, even if you do have brown hair, green eyes, and thin hair. and the goal then is not to see, to understand – it is to feel, feel together.  not apart.


One thought on “some aspects of everyone’s personality are just not that unique

  1. princemyshkin says:

    oh, and I’m the saddest not-unique person in the world. I mean, this has happened to me QUITE often, where someone will say, “wow, you JUST like James Spader! wow! exactly like him!” or – and this chafes – about 100 times per day, walking down the street, I hear “Yo! Kid Rock!” and yet, how surprised would the be when they found out that I have a full Pilates studio in my apartment, AND I skate street!

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