I must swallow the pain

I must swallow the pain, for it is not pain. It is love.

And love is painful, at the teeth, not on the tongue, but again, in the throat. etcetera.

the point is, I will not get over it, or ignore it. I will embrace it.

celebrate it with rituals of obsession.

damn you all. I won’t be fixed. I don’t want your mental health, your solutions.

my path has always been to cleave into the obsession, because it must mean something, that it comes so strong.

lust is an outcropping of love, a new growth, tendril, limb,

claw, tooth, arm, leg, leg, arm. and then, it is you, my love. emerged out of me.

and I am glad to be with you, in this, our small world. we never left, although you set up props, tables, and chairs, in a house,

to make believe, to rest from the tumult of our inner room. full of rest, and yet eternally restless.

now, you have no rest; only sleep, lethargy, languor.


I light the candle. rosin my bow. I will make a pure flame of diamond

Diamond is the purest form of carbon. It is combustible, but requires great heat to burn it.

and I will call to God and to Allah, whom I have known these long years, and the devotion I show to you –

it is not “crazy” – love is never crazy.

you are all crazy.  I am in love.

this devotion is what the universe seeks, what the gods notice, amidst the ant-like movements on your carbon-based ball.

and with all my might and will, I will swallow it whole, and become bigger.


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