I don’t blame you. everything you have ever eaten has been downloaded, not foraged. with no training, you learned to defecate with the same organ you use to ingest. with no processing, you can only regurgitate.
you miss the faith. you must have the faith to chant the name of G*d, the One Energy. You can not wish me peace with the same mouth you curse me. ishvarapranidhana comes before all else, must come before all else, else there is nothing but air.
your place is litter-strewn, by your careless ego, which see nothing. hence it can not find the things which need to be picked up and discarded. they are invisible to the eye drawn inward, but not inside, as is the essential invisible to such and eye.
your first step: accommodate just one more person in your boat; then the boat will disappear, and you will be in the ocean.
bless you. love you.