I finally got it. the worst revelation of my life, a long life of revelations. this one had to come to me now? so late? such a bad one? it’s really hard to handle. but, here it is:
people need love and understanding. I knew that. it’s not my revelation. it’s my gospel to share. so, stop right here, if you need to, and take that in. people don’t need all your other bullshit, your “advice”, your self-help, you affirmations, your analysis. shut up. give them your love and understanding, and stop there.
no. my revelation is this: the “bad guys” know this secret, too! yes! the child molesters, the grimy trolls under the bridge – they too realize that if they offer love and understanding, your prey, the deer, the kittens, the puppies, will crawl right into their lap. and worse! they will love them – the “bad guys”!
ok. I knew that too – abut the bad guys. here’s what I really did not know. the bad guys extend to everywhere! they are not just the shady characters lurking in the bathrooms. they are you! you, the person “who cares”! yes, you are a bottom feeder too! you feed off of the poor saplings who just need light and air and just want to grow. and you, in your false wisdom, your arrogance of total misunderstanding, you offer them your diseased hand, and the lick it, in humble adoration. oh my God. how could You have let this happen?!
yes. it goes beyond my wildest dreams. I have now seen that the sweetest person can be handed from one remora to the next, throughout her entire lifetime. ow can there be so many, in an unbroken chain? an entire civilization, starved for the beautiful, sweet innocent idolators, who just need someone to cling to. “Eloi Eloi lama sabachthani?”
I hope I have made myself clear. it’s just something I could never have believed – that the world could be so cold and damning to certain people, but that it was not attributable to circumstance, or “bad guys”, rather, these people, like a lightning rod, attracted zombies to them. stupid, dime-sized brainfeeders, with just enough savvy to understand the simple principles of mind control, espoused by Dr. Phil and Oprah.
of course, it has to begin at some point, in earnest. there has to be the coldest of criminals to begin this cycle. this is indeed the child molester – the one who takes the very center away from the sweetest child – takes it forever. yes, another revelation: it is possible to break a human permanently, to condition them, through cruelty, to be blind to cruelty – the victim uses their defense mechanism of “flight” so many times, that it becomes a permanent “enabling” back door to the far more insipid “backdoor predator”. Not a child molester – and emotional remora! a loser. a dream-feeder. and thus, the cycle is perfectly perpetuated: the blind lead the blind!
and i thought I knew it all! thought I could save everyone! idiot. poor dumb Kam. you can’t save a drowning rat! because the enemy is too unbelievable. and the victims, the ones you love, they are too fucked up. God, I still can not accept it. did Jesus really finally accept it in the end? is that the true ending to the allegory? that you give and give and try to save them, and in the end, you give up? and in order to hide your shame, you stage your own glorious crucifixion? the only way out, for those who have seen, is the cross?
because that’s the advice everyone has always given me: you just can’t help everybody. some people are just tragedies. well, sorry. even though I now know what I know, I will not let this cup be taken from me. I repeat: “to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” – nothing short of that.